as dreamers are won't to do

27

2007-09-15T23:57:00.000-07:00

yep. few more minutes and it's the end of the day, and the start of a new one. it has been so long since i have blogged. i guess i never found anything to say or maybe i didn't think what i had to say was worthwhile.

and yet, i do have a say.

Book Tag

2006-09-17T15:06:00.000-07:00

From Mia:
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.
6. Tag three people.

"He went down to the end of the corridor.

The boom-chagga-boom of a bass and drums penetrated the door.

Fat Charlie rattled the door handle..."

- From Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

miles to go before i sleep

2006-08-11T23:21:00.000-07:00

and sleep in what? naught but in death. then a dreamless sleep.

here i go again.

2006-08-11T23:19:00.000-07:00

i have one week left with my current job. yes, i am moving again. this time i am moving to another job, but this current one, i will be working only part time until they find someone to replace me. sigh. i do hope they do.

suspended animation

2006-08-11T23:16:00.000-07:00

yes. when my friend used those words in instant messaging, it got me thinking. is that where i am at right now? as if somehow things are moving fast all around me and i am suspended in animation. or maybe it looks as if i am suspended in animation because of how fast I am going and how slow the world is moving.

hmmm...

it all depends on where and how you look at it. suspended animation.

me?

2006-06-24T15:32:00.000-07:00

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion:

You have low extroversion.
You are quiet and reserved in most social situations.
A low key, laid back lifestyle is important to you.
You tend to bond slowly, over time, with one or two people.

Conscientiousness:

You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.

Agreeableness:

You have low agreeableness.
Your self interest comes first, and others come later, if at all.
In general, you feel that people are not to be trusted.
And you're skeptical that anyone else really feels differently.

Neuroticism:

You have medium neuroticism.
You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.
Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.
Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is medium.
You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.
But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.
You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

The Five Factor Personality Test

of shredding

2006-06-22T21:55:00.000-07:00

i never used to use the shredder at my old job. now i use it everyday, and believe it or not, i enjoy using it. in a way it provides a sort of escape from the office's noise. oh yeah, the office can get noisy. a heck of a lot of noisy.

i miss KP. i miss being able to talk to my friends freely. not having TOO much of a burden. it has become that now. blame is the name of the game. so, i shred. and i think. and i shred some more.

...

2006-06-11T21:47:00.000-07:00

so, yes, i have been busy. work has been hectic. most days, when i get home, i end up staring at the computer, or going online, but just checking out friendster and other people's blogs. seriously.

so now here i am once again checking out other people's blogs. and friendster. of course. in the background playing on the dvd is bruce lee on return of the dragon. sigh. i totally flop at making a schedule and it seems as if right now what i do most of the time sucks the joy out of my life. good days are as hard to come by. i always end up wishing for the weekends. it seems it's the only thing that matters. mondays the song playing in my head would be "friday, i'm in love" or "friday on my mind". seriously.

i used to write letters. i would sit. and write letters. to my one friend that i snail mail with. now she's busy. now i'm busy. but u know what? the letters are in my head, in the same way that her letters are written, and yet all halfway done. busy.

i haven't even replied to people's emails. wait.

so, i guess, the thing is, unless i control my thoughts, coherence is absent (huh?)

i'm out.

the LAST look. work.

2006-03-06T19:45:00.000-08:00

yes, i have been doing some of that lately. and then some more.

see, i am leaving my present job, a job that i've been in for almost 3 years. it's strange the way we appreciate the little things, the little kind thoughts that we were told, good company, good bosses. and yet, though we are reluctant, we still go on. we leave it all behind. in my case, maybe i won't leave it behind, because maybe someday i will go back to it, someday soon, or some day. because i want to. but right now i have to leave. i need to.

as i look back, the past few years have been a wonderful opportunity, and i have certainly learned a lot, but most of all, i learned what it was really like to be part of a business that had all different races/nationalities.

i felt what it was like when people are talking right in front of me and i have absolutely NO idea as to what is being said, but i know that whatever it is, had something to do with me. and then of course, when other people would talk and they never knew that i understood what they were saying, completely oblivious to the fact that hey, i could really understand, so, ah, sweet victory, when once, i had the chance to say something to them in filipino, and the stunned silence as well as the shocked look on their faces that followed. sweet.

from the time when the days seem to be a blur because of all the things i had to do. the time i was being trained, when i was training someone else myself. hey, i did it all. but right now it's time to move. so i deal a last glance, a last look. and off to work i go.

Windows of My Soul

2006-02-22T09:48:00.000-08:00

The Johari Window was invented by Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in the 1950s as a model for mapping personality awareness. By describing yourself from a fixed list of adjectives, then asking your friends and colleagues to describe you from the same list, a grid of overlap and difference can be built up.

This is my JOHARI window: My Positive Traits

The Nohari Window is a challenging inversion of the Johari Window, using antonyms of the original words. By describing your failings from a fixed list of adjectives, then asking your friends and colleagues to describe you from the same list, a grid of perceived and unrecognised weaknesses can be explored.

This is my NOHARI window: My Failings

something short of a blog

2006-02-06T20:28:00.000-08:00

things have been going on that i have absolutely no control over.

like life.

of course, no one can fully control everything.

and so here i am, desperately clinging.

here, there, everywhere

2006-01-20T19:39:00.000-08:00

so, yes, that is where i have been everywhere! let me just make up with images and corresponding captions starting from the latest happenings.

Auntie and I pretending to be hula dancers. (inggit sa mga nag-tour sa Hawaii!)

Ma'am, you were running 86 miles on a 65 mile speed limit. I thank you, bow.
First ticket. ugh.

L-R Joanna (the Other Secretary =)), Marisela (Carlos' wife), Carlos (see below), and I (supercalifragilisticexpialidocious).
When I picked up my LOANer keyboard.

Work humanoids:

Moi, Patty, Alisa, and Martin (P,A, and M are my people at the Bakery)

Carlos, I, Giovanny (C delivers, and super musical instrument guy. G is the warehouse guy and assistant)

TIMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, the tree did fall. Lovely.

Dinner. Night before ate chia and kuya left for the Philippines on their 5 DAY!!! tour. hehehe.

Day 5. Universal Studios.

Day 2.2 Disneyland!!!

Day 2.1 Disney's California Adventure!

Day 1.2 night night @ night =), days 3 and 4, my bro. and sis-in-law were at salinas and san Francisco and shop, shop, and shop, and i went to our Circuit Assembly!

Day 1.1 @ LAX

And days before my brother came Neil, so we took him to:

Vegas, Dudes!!!

and of course, Mann's Hollywood

Ok, so I played tour guide twice, me and my younger brother, and then before that is a whole lot of other stuff. And even more stuff, and between all of that, I had to overhaul my blog etc etc etc. Oh, and by the way, see my ticket? Yeah. Well....

photograph

2005-12-05T11:06:00.000-08:00

lately, i've been lss-ing on 3 songs. photograph by nickelback, you're beautiful by james blunt, and you'll think of me by keith urban. haha. 3 different kinds of music. but they are SO on my playlist right at this moment.

photograph most of all.

the memory a picture evokes is one that we have all experienced. no matter how long it has been since i last viewed a picture, it never ceases to amaze me how much i react. threads of memory. i can feel my neurons firing, and re-connecting, as i grasp for that memory, and find the memory whole, or in part. sometimes it just takes a while. a single tear would fall, a giggle, the quickening pace of a beating heart, a smile, a faraway look.

just magic.

u

2005-11-18T12:56:00.000-08:00

(on the defensive) is it my fault if i can google you? i just did. never even knew you were google-able. then found you on friendster. i am SO turning into an online stalker. NOT. well, there you were. i found you. there's 4 people that know i found you, most of them i would think do not even really read my blog. definitely advantageous.

you write poems. you race/d motorbikes. you were/are a teacher. you were a seminarian. you are a writer. you were and are a lot of things, but most of all, you are just you. and now you are in love. what was it u said? - "4 year relationship that can only keep on getting better." hey, can't say the same for myself.

gosh. he was my first crush. haha. so there, now you guys know. yesterday morning i just googled him. there is a rational explanation as to how and why i went about that google-ing him. but other people would say otherwise.

he's in there somewhere =): (ok, ok, i took off the picture - 9/14/07)

someday.

2005-11-09T09:35:00.000-08:00

Someday, after we have mastered the winds and the waves,

the tides and gravity,

we will harness... the energies of love.
And, for the second time in the history of the world,

man will have discovered fire.

Rene' de Chardin

Strangely, today was the first time that I came across this quote.

A signature from a forwarded email.

The profundity.

How can we harness "the energies of love"?

the bottomless glass

2005-10-20T11:56:00.000-07:00

you know that saying about the glass being half empty or half full?

well, i've been watching grey's anatomy.

and one of the things that meredith said struck me.

"sometimes the glass is bottomless, and all we want, is MORE."

and i've been mulling it over in my mind all this time.

have I eclipsed the half empty and gone straight to bottomless?

what more do i want?

what more do we want?

and the answer?

no more.

don't settle

2005-10-08T16:22:00.000-07:00

dulce and jonathan

weddings have their own allure. the gown, the blushing bride, the handsome groom, the guests, the wedding day, and the mad dash to get there. it is always fun, exciting, and v v emotional. after all, it is a milestone. a whole lot of lasts, and a whole lot of firsts. ah, weddings.

every wedding that i have gone to, well, on every one of them, somebody said, spoke, sang, alluded to, gestured, etc. something of which i could not entirely, nor readily believe in myself. i being a BIT cynical when it comes to dealing with ME. admittedly it is entirely my fault. of course.

the groom said yesterday, "at each and every wedding, most of the single people wonder, 'so, when is it MY turn?' (as a side comment, he said, "after all, i was single only yesterday")". A sort of unmitigated question brought on by what had just occured - re: said wedding. then he says, what i have learned is this: "don't settle". then loretta nudges me and says, you hear that? don't just settle. what do i say to that? nothing. why? because there is nothing to say. that was just it, and i got it. don't settle.

so for now, i will always be the guest, not the bride.

can you hear me now?

2005-09-22T20:00:00.000-07:00

no, it's not just a cellphone commercial. it's what happens when you think someone is listening to you when really, they're NOT. and i hate that.

the sounds "mmm, yeah!", or "uh-huh", or "right". and omg when someone actually maintains a silence wherein you think they really ARE listening, and then out of the blue, they would say something entirely out of the context, and not even about whatever the heck i was telling said individual, but about that individual's life. urgh. it's frustrating. after that happens, i am no longer interested in the conversation, i become just a hearer. uttering reply after reply, giving nice little conversation points. all right, gotta go, i say. and then such individual tells me no, don't put down the phone as yet. and what? wow. sometimes i think, what? do i have to spell it out for you? sigh.

manners, manners.

taggers

2005-09-21T12:48:00.000-07:00

well, well, well, seems i've been tagged. well, to tell you the truth, this is the second time i've been tagged with the same tag whatnot thing (yeah, thanks hL and mia). so here goes:

1. What are the things you enjoy doing even when there's no one around you?

thinking. reading. and lastly, from disney --- IMAGINEERING.

2. What lowers your stress/blood pressure/anxiety level?

laughing. even more thinking. even more imagineering. and lastly, time (guess what, it always does)

3. Tag 5 friends and ask them to post it in theirs.

tagging is an option. answering a tag, another.
i choose not to tag.

brown eyed girl

2005-09-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

Brown Eyed Girl
Van Morrison

Hey, where did we go
Days when the rains came
Down in the hollow
Playing a new game
Laughing and a runnin', hey hey
Skipping and a jumpin'
In the misty morning fog with
Our hearts a thumpin' and you
My brown eyed girl
And you, my brown eyed girl

Oh what ever happened
The Tuesday went so slow
Going down the "Old Man"
With a transistor radio
Standing in the sunlight laughing
Hiding behind the rainbows wall
Slipping and a sliding
All along the waterfall with you
My brown eyed girl
You, my brown eyed girl

*Do you remember when
We used to sing
Sha la la la la la la la la la la de da
Just like that

So hard to find my way
Now that I'm all on my own
I saw you just the other day
My you have grown
Cast my memory back there lord
Sometimes I'm overcome thinkin' about it
Laughin and a runnin hey, hey
Behind the stadium with you
My brown eyed girl
And you, my brown eyed girl

(Repeat *)

There I was minding my own business at the red line. Then this guy starts to sing. The drone of the passing of the train over its tracks mostly drowned out his voice. And I tuned it out. Then he came over to our side. Tuned his guitar, and began playing. Soon as I heard the first few strums, I was about ready to sing with him. "Brown Eyed Girl". sigh. That set off my day.

the weekend

2005-09-07T01:20:00.000-07:00

it's been a pretty long weekend for me. and very eventful.

on Friday, I didn't go to work and went to Universal Studios instead.

Saturday is Donna and Windy's Wedding

and then I went to see BAMBOO, but then again i found GLENN. Glenn Jacinto, former vocalist of the teeth. sigh. And ira. Bamboo's lead guitarist. oh wow. musicians.

GLENN

Stella's Notch

This is Stella's Notch @ the Joint. Pretty, pretty brilliant. They will have their album out next year. Meantime the EP is already available. check out their site. Loved then Go, one of their songs will be playing.

waiting

2005-09-03T20:23:00.000-07:00

it's 8:23 pm as i type this post. i'm supposed to already have been INSIDE the El Rey Theater for Bamboo's concert. A friend and her band, Stella's Notch will be the opening act. Haha. I guess they already technically "opened". So here i am blogging instead of rocking. waiting. in the background "sin city" the movie, plays. pretty good cinematography. good artists. still waiting. waiting.

here fishy, fishy...

2005-08-30T18:57:00.000-07:00

yesterday, when i got home, here fishy, fishy [(MY FISH)from here on referred to as hff] was swimming weakly. he was floating, more or less, not really swimming. his little tank was clean, ha, clean as a whistle, in fact. my brother, the fish killer [from here on referred to as tfk] well, judging by the nickname that i have given him, well, he washed my fish's tank with DISHWASHING liquid. he always does that, but hff always recovered. last night though, i was there to witness the final attempt at life. ah, i even tried to tap him on the side with the bamboo in a stupid, but really, a v v weak attempt at CPR. sigh. alas, he would move, but in quick bursts of speed, and then a stillness. so goodbye my fish. that is it. no more fishies for me.

here fishy, fishy (hff)

tfk

burial ground

thanks.

2005-08-18T14:32:00.000-07:00

it is seldom that one finds a good friend. and even more seldom that you get to keep them close. sometimes we find friends who, though far away, we know that like that good old book, we can pick up on any page and know just where we stand, just what is going on, and excited enough knowing what might happen next. in this case, i found a good friend. not too far, and not too near. but just right.

this is joanna's blog

and this is the poem she wrote as posted in her blog.

and i thank her once again for being my friend.

Paru-paro

Ang aking kaibigang paru-paro
Pakpak nya'y marikit
Kulay nya'y kaakit-akit
Sa kanyang taglay na kariktan
Hatid nya'y kasiyahan

Ang aking kaibigan
Lungkot ko'y pinapawi
Katabi sya sa oras na ako'y sawi
Problema ay nalilimutan
Pag sya'y nasilayan...

Salamat kaibigan...
Tulong mo'y hindi tatalikdan
Lumipas man ang panahon
At ikaw ay lumisan...

Kariktan mo'y mananatili
Ningning mo'y di magmamaliw

Salamat kaibigan
Salamat aking paru-paro...

*to my butterfly friend* *haschacharrrr*

random pictures, random posting

2005-08-11T21:00:00.000-07:00

mem'ries.....
oh yeah, we might have been in college, and oh yeah, we might've been bogged down with a whole lot of term papers, nasty professors, but hey lookit! we enjoyed college, and here's some proof. and oh yeah, about the blinds, well, that wasn't me. =)

@ jo's district convention 07/16/05

if i had a kid.....haha. wishing.

one fine friday

2005-08-02T23:55:00.000-07:00

the cast and crew of Kosher Provision, well, et. al. ...
the boss.

baking girl and provision girl

KP peeps, etc.

them girls

the rock (chef rock - tres chic!)

ME. right about now.

2005-07-27T22:33:00.000-07:00

STORM by Lifehouse

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form.
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head.

Chorus:
if I could just see you
everything would be alright.
If I had to see you the
darkness would turn to light
And I will walk on water,
and you will catch me if I fall,
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be alright,
and everything will be alright.

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown,
So why am I ten feet under and upside down.
Barely surviving has become my purpose
'cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface.

Chorus.
And I will walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
And everything will be alright
And everything will be alright.

a weekend

2005-07-27T22:31:00.000-07:00

jazzy b, my little niece, came to town, and boy what an adventure...

welcome to disneyland's 50th!

auntie ivy (wicked witch???), and wicked-ER witch!

jazzy b being all cute

with Mickey - of course!

UNIVERSAL STUDIOS

hollywood pose. manong, ate, jazzy b

super heroes!

yep, never mind that the temps were in the 90s, and felt like it was in the 100s, never mind that whatever you purchase inside the parks were a total rip off. see those smiles? yep, that was what we were definitely going for.

florida trip

2005-06-23T14:29:00.000-07:00

this was my beach when i went to florida:

hahaha. well, what can i say? i had too much business to take care of. luckily my tita had a pool. which was cool, which is all i can say for my paranoia of living creatures lurking beneath the pool, and yes, i do periodically, what say you, a lap each time, get out of the pool, walk around to make sure nothing is in ther with me, dive back in, do a lap, out, check (oh, the wonders of my imagination). not to mention the bugs that i had to clean out. yes, it was raining, and raining, off and on. and i was driving. driving all the time. so....

so now this is me in an attempt to get at least a shot of the beach:

daybreak. ah, it was so quiet. sitting there by the beach, scanning the horizon for a dorsal fin, a jumping fish, or i may even be able to chance upon a dolphin. but not... so on to the airport. fly. fly. fly.

denver, colorado. a stop over. as i was busily trying to figure out which song i wanted to play first on my iRiver. he comes along. walking nonchalantly. and all i could think was, duh. i was dumbfounded. i admit to that. he looked so like dominic monaghan, only more handsome (for those of you who watched LOTR he was Merry the hobbit, for those who watch LOST , he's Charlie, the rocker). well, in this case, this guy looked to be like Charlie, the rocker at lost. And wonder of all wonders, Daniel is in a band. and I just looked. after that I never knew what played next. I just didn't care.

And then, teehee, they called in the parents with kids, people who are disabled and those who need assistance, and the members. so glad that i am. hehe. so i went and sat. Seat 2A, a window seat. And so the plane was loading. And then after a while, there was a little break in loading. it appears that mr. rockstar's seat was 3A. A window seat. Right behind me. BUT, this other guy took his seat. I mean, how can you mistake 2B for 3A??? So, what the heck, the flight attendant wanted other guy to move, and i was watching them with fascination. haha. yeah, right. more like looking at mr. rockstar. but mr. rockstar says, no, it's okay, i'll just sit here. and OMG. i teared my eyes away from his face, and looked out the window, the reason being, i felt blood rushing to my head, and i felt the hot blush creeping up from my neck. i look like a burnt tomato. wahaha. as my brother says, look, you're getting darker... (lol) so, i lowered the armrest, and voila! he plopped down right. beside. me. OMG. pretty soon the flight was on its way. he had a little yellow notepad. he was left handed (sigh.). he writes like a boy. his pen was red. it was marked colorado. and he was writing down sort of like a new crew's rules and regulations thing. and numbers of different people. haha. and what was so interesting is that right beside him, i was furiously writing in my journal as well. OMG. in Filipino. So that he would not understand it for one bit. Ah, to rack my brain for the perfect words, and to not come out with any.

There I was, and there he was. And then there he was. Sleeping. And I wrote and wrote. And then I looked at him, and did say he only looks like dominic monaghan, but he is not dominic monaghan. good. so what's his name? i didn't know. he was so handsome. :) and then i had to go to the restroom. right. window, middle seat, and aisle. yes, i have to traverse that. and of course there was no space. and both my seatmates were asleep. so i tapped rocker once. nothing. another time, a bit harder. nothing. and then took a deep breath and tapped him on the shoulder twice. he woke up. oh my gosh. those eyes. i said i'm sorry, but he said, no, that's ok, that's fine, and he proceeded to wake up aisle man. hehe. so we all got out and the old lady that was in the aisle next to us (aisle man's wife) was looking at me and smiling. i guess i was still red. haha. no i don't guess, i could feel myself still blushing. then back to watching him. haha. i saw him write his name. Daniel C. then we landed in LA. Ah, home for the moment. as soon as phones were allowed on, i saw my messages and since my pen was down in my bag somewhere, i borrowed his. no, not an excuse. but i really needed it. then i dropped the paper i wrote it on, stooped down to see that i dropped my boarding pass (as a souvenir), too. so i grabbed both, and headed out the door. And oh, when i looked to see the boarding pass, it was his. So that's how I found out his name. And that's how i found tha pic of him. But, I had another picture, deleted it, only to find the next day that he was gone from the band, and that picture that i deleted was gone forever. sigh. oh well. at least i got to see my rocker. stop.

fire, fire burning bright

2005-06-16T13:22:00.000-07:00

June 9th, 2005 was when this happened, the fire alarms in our building were not working. ugh. as i was getting ready to sleep i asked my brother, do you smell smoke? he said no. so i said, u know what, let me just o outside and see what's going on... lo and behold! the apartment manager was there fiddling with the fire alarm, which aparrently didn't work, he waved for me to get out. so i roused my brother and prepared only the important stuff. my stuff. i could not find my mom's and brother's papers, so what the heck? we were the first ones out. the others were roused with quick, loud raps on their doors. 4 fire trucks, one paramedic unit. that's what was there. and it was the wiring that was awry.

ha. now i know where everything is. the more important things. pays to be ready.

the heat is on in saigon, or in my case, largo

2005-06-13T12:04:00.000-07:00

largo, florida. 3:07 pm eastern time

ah, it is so hot and humid. inside my uncle's office, even worse. the heat is oppressive and it makes me itch. i am tired, but i am here. come to think of it, i have not even gone to the beach. ah, vanina. but there are more important things. perhaps tomorrow, when all will be as they will be.

my trip has not been in vain. i am calm. to be reasoned with, but inside the turmoil in my mind rages, non-stop. so it is and so it will be. but they will never know. they will never know.

Denver, Colorado

2005-06-11T14:45:00.000-07:00

*** image taken @ DIA's internet access - "shibby"

All by myself again. In Colorado. En route to Florida. Great. I hope everything works out. We need to finish this. I just hope.

Draw Close To Jehovah

2005-05-25T09:55:00.000-07:00

May 19, 2005

The last day. A small gathering of our book study. A very beautiful book. So now I know how it is to draw close to God, but the question is, what have I been doing? I know that I am trying. But I know should try even more.

user friendly.

2005-05-20T14:42:00.000-07:00

well, in my case, this is not with regard to computers or any other technological gadgetry, but, it does have everything to do with people.

you know how it irks you when a someone you consider a friend would just give you a buzz, or a ring, or whatever just because they need something from you really bad? hey, i know i am not alone in that, but it just is so irksome, irritating, like a persistent bug zinging near your ear. these people to me, are the user friendlies.

so yesterday i got to talking with a friend about these "user friendlies", and well, we tried to put it in context, if you need help from a friend, and have not talked to them in a while, just called them, and go beat around the bush before asking for help, then that is considered being "user friendly." his was, hey, if you called, it's been awhile and you need something, go out and say it that instant rather than wait and say, "oh yeah, and i also called because...."

ranting. because a user friendly friend of mine calls and promises this and that, but never delivers. what the heck is that? and stupid fool that i am, i'm like, yeah, and yeah, and this and that. i think that this is it. the end. she calls and says "sorry for bothering you, but i need a huge favor....." this is the last, and the favor would be pretty huge. and then little chit chat without heart.

for the user friendly:
i laugh and talk at the right time
civil i am being, biding my time
not a true friend u turned out to be
just one that is user friendly.

super highway

2005-05-05T20:07:00.000-07:00

so, i was at the bus, and normally what you would hear in there are people speaking in spanish (with each other). now, when a phone rings, most of the time, conversation is carried out in english. but, once in a while, i chance upon a bus containing filipinos, so conversations are carried out taglish, tagalog, or their provincial dialect.

so, yesterday, there i was sitting. my cellphone a sentinel hanging from my neck blink, blink. and this guy's phone rings. he speaks in his dialect and in tagalog. and then he said it. superhighway. wow. it's been so long since i've heard that word. it seemed alien, and yet familiar. and i smiled. and i go "astig. been so long. oo nga naman superhighway." and the memories kept rushing in.

so, thank you, "the guy" thanks for letting me remember again.

as my friend says, "it's called self-preservation"

2005-04-28T21:52:00.000-07:00

so, what am i saying? my friend speaks of unrequited love.

basically, how to deal.

now it runs the whole gamut of defense mechanisms. not to mention, add a few of your own idiosyncracies and voila! results in utter mayhem in your heart, and a mind that seems to go from 0 - 60 in a second. there and back again.

peace.

San Francisco

2005-03-30T23:10:00.000-08:00

my favorite place to be...
pictures from my phone.

@ the car:

the golden gate bridge:

view @ cliff house:

heart.

sigh.
pictures.
more than words.

When you wish upon a Star

2005-03-22T20:07:00.000-08:00

"When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires will come to you

If your heart is in your dreams, no request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star as dreamers do"

a cause, i fight.

dsL

2005-03-13T18:44:00.000-08:00

ah, to jump into the bandwagon, all for a price. hahaha. well, no, not really, i just got myself DSL, and hurray, hurray, as i expected, i love it! i absolute-a-mente just lurv it! course!

lately, i've been dreaming...

2005-03-06T10:16:00.000-08:00

i have been proposed to the 3rd time this morning - IN MY DREAM! As I lay there in my semiconcious, somnambulistic state, this time a guy i know, i actually know was the one that proposed. and i decided, i have really had enough of these dreams. CSi guy, faceless human, and then him. waking life seems to me cramped with mundane everyday things, and yet my dreams have been anything but ordinary. but, operating on the fact that dreams are indeed an extension of what may have happened during the day, well, it seems there is a far more subliminal context in these.

but oh well, subliminal or not, i wake up with a racing heart, and an almost undeniable feeling of want. and then i wake up to reality.

dream goes this way:

1st: clifftop. billowing white chiffon. white chairs. garden. flowers. guests. someone else getting married. then announces that they will not get married. then i was standing there and then just as suddenly csi guy was there. round stone. a yes. sister coleman - cellphone call. guests. Seal/s. wait. then go.

2nd: in a window. waiting. faceless guy. ring. wax paper. opened. heart shaped. no stone. ask. heart is mine. round stone? tears. in then end, a heart.

3rd: serial killer looking for someone. always there. can't escape. me. always me. somewhere along the line, HE comes along. a ring. a kiss. then killer found me. a knife. and then the memory of HE.

that is it. and you know what i don't get, is why? especially the latest one.

why?

"for what it's worth, it was worth all the while..."

2005-03-02T12:03:00.000-08:00

so, what am I talking about? I guess just life in general. mine, in this case. obviously. random song lyrics are illuminated in my mind as I hear them. and just as sudden I play it over and over and over in my mind.

and I begin to think back. 24 years. what have I achieved? who have I lost? whether by choice or not. who am I? round and round thoughts begin to sally forth, in brilliant flashes of light or a dull, dimming conflagration of that which once was. a love that once was felt, but I being myself did not do anything, did nothing but wait. or an idea propelling light in a light bulb, but that instantaneously dies along with the thought. just fragments. fragmentary meanderings on thoughtless actions, or carefully thought about reactions resulting on a dead end. a dead end because in the end, I chose wrong. and yet on the other hand, I know that I am in the right path. though I have made many wrong choices, I am there. getting to where I should be. so that in the end it really is worth all the while, and as the song goes "it's something unpredictable but in the end is right, I hope you had the time of your life."

falls on me.

2005-02-16T15:14:00.000-08:00

another day. almost over. and well, now i see, blogging does stunt my writing. haha. perhaps because i need a level of privacy. right. perhaps the blog in itself encroaches into myself being public. ah, but i do not know. so i resolve to just write.

these past few days i have been thinking about being single. hL and i have this "project" so far, there's three of us in agreement. hope it pulls through.

so, now this thinking of being single has catapulted me into thinking about the whys and the hows and the reasons behind, or if there is a need for a reason. maybe i simply am. but equally encroaching upon my thoughts is this one guy. the guy.

santa monica. early morning.

2005-02-07T10:49:00.000-08:00

sunrise @ santa monica.

camera phone: samsung e715

walking along the beach early morning, out in field service with the friends. what a great day indeed. out. greeted by the sun. the runners panting to and fro, left, right, left, right. run. at the boardwalk. everything is calm. the sea is raging. waves. people are fishing. as the birds soar overhead. ah, santa monica. a stillness.

whoa.

2005-01-23T20:31:00.000-08:00

i need a breather.

work has been absolutely overwhelming. i am overwhelmed. stressed to the max. just think, i was at home, and before going online and chit chatting with friends, what did i do? i went and checked the bank balance for work. now ain't that grand?

and now am online with one of my friends, tropa. hay. almost all of us are in the workforce. oh wow. that is just crazy. growing up. as kids, we were always out in the street, whether its playing patintero, pico, taguan, langit lupa, down to pretending to be bioman, shaider, voltes v. oh wow, the list goes on. then getting older, high school, with its fair share of broken hearts, dreaming, wishing. then college. haha. now that was crazy. thesis, pimples, bf, gf, and all that. then leaving. there it was, after a while i guess one of us was really going. in our case, i was first. at first it was for about a year and a half, and then back, and then now it's a bit more permanent.

on september it will be three years since i left. long long time ago. when am i going back? oh. i don't know. i don't know. that's my answer. all the time. sigh.

maybe someday. maybe i don't want to because i'm not ready. maybe. just maybe deep inside there's that feeling that maybe i won't be me.

2005-01-11T12:05:00.000-08:00

the wake of the tidal wave.
all i could do was look.
at the waters rushing in.
the tide.

the wake of the tidal wave.
all i could do was scream
in absolute horror.
the wave.

the wake of the tidal wave.
all i could do was weep.
bodies and debris.
the wake.

confusion says

2004-12-29T15:09:00.000-08:00

well, i knew it. i wasn't really as reliable in keeping a blog as i am at i don't know (i'll leave it at that).

one of these days, i'll just post some of the poems that i have, or maybe two or three. we'll see.

mind is still a blur. current listen: kelly clarkson's breakaway. in all fairness its a fairly good song, although its getting too much airtime right now (yeah, kiis fm.).

tomorrow is a new day. as they say. ah, but they say, tomorrow never ends. where does that leave me.

tit for tat.

sigh.

Baptism

2004-12-20T09:22:00.000-08:00

December 18 & 19, 2004
Circuit Assembly of Jehovah's Witnesses
Theme: Be Guided by "the Wisdom From Above"
- James 3:17

Baptism.

Jehovah, Almighty God
You who created the heavens and the earth
Hear, O my soul, my God
In symbol of my love and dedication
My brothers and sisters witness
On this day of my baptism
That to you I have dedicated
My whole mind
My whole heart, and
My whole soul.

You, Jehovah know that making of me
Formed out of dust. Imperfect.
"To earthling man his way does not belong
It does not belong to man who is walking
Even to direct his step."

Guide and Bless me, dear Father
"For I do not know what life will be tomorrow
As I am but a mist,
Appearing for a little while,
And then disappearing.
But if it is your will,
Then I shall live
And also do this or that."

Jeremiah 10:23
James 4:14, 15
Saturday, December 18, 2004
A sister.

linguistic intelligence

2004-12-14T15:25:00.000-08:00

so. it appears i have a flair for the literary, a love for words.

ah, would i that my passion be what i do, alas, i do not! sigh.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.
An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.
You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view.
A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.

You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

office

2004-12-14T12:53:00.000-08:00

office. in limbo.
veritable flood of words
sound of microfilm.
the copier changing papers.
friend on the line.

-haiku.
-on office life.

awakening

2004-12-09T10:15:00.000-08:00

she...
screams in silence.
he...
weeps in despair.
two worlds colliding.

desperate...
he reaches out to her.
silent...
she turns away.
two hearts, breaking.

he...
pursues
into the vale of broken dreams.
she...
runs
amidst pathways strewn with broken promises.

dawn ascends, an awakening.

written: 08 December 2004
@ the 426
travelling

blog hopping

2004-12-08T09:57:00.000-08:00

i found this really interesting website while i was blog hopping. turns out i'm this kind of a "soul". need i say more?

You Are a Retrospective Soul

The most misunderstood of all the soul signs.
Sometimes you even have difficulty seeing yourself as who you are.
You are intense and desire perfection in every facet of your life.
You're best described as extremely idealistic, hardworking, and a survivor.

Great moments of insight and sensitivity come to you easily.
But if you aren't careful, you'll ignore these moments and repeat past mistakes.
For you, it is difficult to seperate the past from the present.
You will suceed once you overcome the disappoinments in life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Traveler Soul and Prophet Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

confusticate

2004-12-06T10:54:00.000-08:00

confusticate. the word is hobbit lingo. confusion. which is just about what i'm feeling right now. as if the world was snatched from under me, and i was spinning, spinning, while traveling an equidistant plane the speed of light. a blur of images. a kaleidoscope of emotions. a range of thoughts.